Jeremy and I are excited to announce that we are expecting our second child!! Hannah’s little brother or sister is due at the start of November, and we are really looking forward to welcoming this baby into our world :) We are so thankful to the Lord for this new little life He has gifted us with, and pray every day that God would protect it and keep it healthy. We are already totally in love with our new little bubs!
I am 16 weeks pregnant now, and finally starting to feel a little less nauseous and regain a little energy. It’s nice not throwing up every day any more! I had really bad morning sickness when I was pregnant with Hannah too, and although I was holding on to the fact that each pregnancy is different, this bubs hasn’t been causing me any less sickness. However while I may complain sometimes about feeling so ill, I do not take this baby for granted. I want to make that clear. I would sacrifice anything to have a baby in my arms again.
We desperately hope we will be able to bring this baby home with us in November; something we never got to do with Hannah. After having her, we left the hospital with empty arms. It would be so nice to have a baby here on earth to love and parent again.
We’re fortunate that Hannah’s health problems weren’t genetic or hereditary, so there is no increased risk for us in subsequent pregnancies. In saying that though, we know there are so many different things that can go wrong during a pregnancy, and we are even more aware of this after our own loss. Also after meeting other parents who have lost babies for all different reasons. It is hard not to worry, but we are trying to trust God in this. We are taking one day at a time and appreciating each and every day that I am blessed with carrying this child. So far everything has been going well, and this baby is growing and developing just as it should :) God willing, things remain that way.
In the baby-loss community, a baby born after the loss of a child is called a ‘Rainbow baby’. If you are wondering what that means, this might help explain it. You'll see me use this term sometimes when i refer to our new little one.
On that note, just thought I'd share this - it's the first gift we have been given for our new baby – a sweet friend had it made for us. I love it!
I want to clarify a few things, and set straight some wrong assumptions that people might come to. The fact that we are pregnant again does not mean that we are ‘over our loss’ of Hannah Grace. It doesn’t all of a sudden bring healing to our broken hearts. Nor is this baby a replacement for the baby we lost. This is our second child, not our first. Contrary to what many might assume, at the moment being pregnant again is actually making me miss Hannah more not less.
We are so joyful about this pregnancy, but it does not take away from the pain we feel as we grieve Hannah. Somehow both emotions co-exist – we feel extreme joy, and also extreme pain. I don't think I could have understood this before last year. We appreciate this baby even more because we have lost a child, but we also feel so much pain that Hannah isn’t here to share in this journey with us. Please don’t make assumptions or judgements about our emotions as we process this new stage. It is not something you can ever understand unless you have walked this road yourself.
A friend asked me a few weeks ago if I thought she was ‘too excited’ about this new baby. I assured her that the only way she could be too excited would be if her excitement caused her to forget about Hannah Grace. Her response was so sweet, as she looked shocked and exclaimed how could anyone ever forget about Hannah when she is your first child?! I’m so thankful for supportive friends like this. We want people to celebrate this pregnancy with us. We are certainly celebrating! But we don’t want their joy to get in the way of still acknowledging Hannah too. If she was still here people wouldn’t start ignoring her just because we are pregnant again, and I don’t see why it should be any different just because she is in heaven.
If you are following my blog, and especially if you have lost a baby yourself, I just want to clarify that this blog will still mainly be about my journey with Hannah. While that now includes our rainbow baby, please don't be scared away by thinking this will turn into a 'new baby' blog. I still want this to be place where grieving Mums can be encouraged and can share their thoughts and pain as we walk this road together.
We would greatly appreciate your prayers for baby and I through this pregnancy! Prayers for safety and health for both of us. And prayers for Jeremy and I as we deal with all the emotions that this new journey brings. Pray that we would have the strength to trust God with all of our fears and anxieties.
And praise Him with us for the incredible gift of this new life!!