'But God said to me, “My GRACE is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9'

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Mothers Day

Today is Mothers Day - a day I feel like we have been leading up to for a long time now. I have been thinking about this day since we lost Hannah, and dreading having to face it without her. I've missed her extra much today.

I debated in my mind whether or not I should go to church this morning, as they always do a big special Mothers Day service; and I knew that would bring up so many emotions for me. In the end I decided to go - I guess I felt like I should. I didn't want to feel like I was hiding from it, and 'avoiding reality'. 

It was as hard as I expected. 

A big deal is made in many churches about how important a Mothers role is. And all the jobs that Mums do and practical roles that Mums play. How tiring it is running around after your kids, feeding them, clothing them, and tending to their every need. Which is very valid - I'm not denying that at all.

But hearing all this is painful for me. I don't get to do those things for my daughter.

I know that I am a Mum, but to be honest, I felt so out of place today. 

What if your role as a Mum involved sitting holding your baby in the NICU, instead of in a rocking chair in their nursery? Monitoring oxygen levels and heartrates, instead of how much they are growing by the day? Getting up early to be there for the doctors meeting about your baby, instead of to feed them? Making life or death decisions about medical treatments, instead of about what time to put them down for a nap? Picking clothes to bury your child in, instead of outfits for them to wear to church? That is my experience of Motherhood.

I know that most Mums have 'normal' roles to play for their baby, and I know it is very tiring and challenging. But there are some of us Mums who have played very different roles in our babies lives. And there are some of us who have done the hardest thing a Mum could ever have to do - say goodbye to their precious child. Mothers Day is very hard for us.

It's not that I don't appreciate that parenting is hard, or that Mums face so many challenges. I know that's the case, and I agree that they deserve to be recognised for their love and commitment. 

It's just that what is often portrayed is a rather one-sided view of Motherhood, and it can be really hard for those of us whose experiences are different. And painful. I guess I wish that other women were acknowledged too. What about the women who is single, and although she isn't a Mum she helps mother and nurture her neighbours kids? Or the women who has faced an abortion in her past, and she never even got to meet her baby? What about the wife who desperately longs to have a baby, but has tried for years and hasn't been able to get pregnant? What about the women who has lost numerous babies to miscarriage? Or the Mum whose relationship with her child has been damaged, and she is no longer able to play that role in their child's life?

I want Mums to be appreciated, but I also wish that more people acknowledged that Mothers Day is hard for a lot of people. I know many women who avoid church on Mothers Day, and I wish that didn't have to be the case. Churches should be the place where we are able to recognise the pain that many women feel on this day - if women can't be real there, then where can they be? It doesn't need to take away from appreciating the 'normal Mum' - can't we do both??

Ok, rant over lol! I just want to share about the special Mothers Day dinner that our family had tonight :)

My husband was AMAZING today. He was so supportive and loving, treasuring and appreciating me as a Mum; but also acknowledging my pain. He honoured me and encouraged me, and held me as I cried. We spent the afternoon at Hannah's grave... which was hard, but good.

And, he cooked an amazing Masterchef quality dinner! Not only for me, but also for my Mum and my Gran. And my Dad made a delicious dessert for us :)

 The table all set for our asian style dinner

 Sweet and Sour Pork, and Thai green curry

 Nicely garnished rice

Pavlova Dad made - with an 'M' for Mum, and the initials of each of us Mums on it

He also gave me a beautiful card, and had written it so thoughtfully. Here is the card itself (I'm not sharing his own words here on the internet though!)

I love being a Mum. I wish my mothering experience looked different, and I wish Hannah Grace was here in my arms, but I am so thankful that God has given me the gift of Motherhood.

I just want to finish by encouraging you to recognise ALL of the Mothers around you. Those that have children in their arms, and those that have children waiting for them in heaven. Let's also appreciate those that nurture children, and would love to be Mums themselves, but aren't able to be for whatever the reason.

Every year there are so many Mums hurting on Mothers Day, and what a blessing it would be if we could meet them where they are at and acknowledge their pain.



  1. big hugs rebecca and happy mothers day to you <3

  2. A HUGE {{{hug}}} to you! I know Mother's Day can be such a bittersweet day. Hannah is blessed to have you as her Mum! <3

  3. *hugs* you are so wonderful Rebecca and Hannah is so blessed to have you as her mum!!

  4. Amen I so agree! My Husband is a pastor and I had a long talk with him about understanding how careful to be with his words on Mother's day. You just never know who is in the congregation that is hurting. I know many single women past childbearing age that have mothered many kids. I have to admit before Jonathan died I had never thought of this. One more reason to give him a big hug in Heaven and say thank you for making me a better person. You dinner looks lovely, I am so glad you have a wonderful husband to support you. Saying a prayer for your hurting heart now.

  5. Becca, this post broke my heart, and yet encouraged me at the same time. I think you are absolutely right: there isn't enough focus on other types of mothers when it comes to Mothers Day, such as single women who take care of children in their communities (given it takes a village to raise a child) and those Mums who are separated from their kids, for whatever reason. What you wrote really struck a chord with me, as it may end up being very difficult for Matt and I have children, on account of the gynaecological problems I've had. I am so afraid that we may not be able to have a family, and hearing of other pregnancies amongst family and friends is so bittersweet at the moment. :( So, thank you for saying all that.

    My heart also broke to read about everything you had to do for Hannah as her Mum. No mother should ever have to pick out clothes for their baby to be buried in, or design her headstone and visit her grave on Mothers Day. :( But...you really are doing amazing. Honestly, your courage and your faith never ceases to amaze me. You are Jeremy are an inspiration.

    I have a couple of wee somethings to send to you guys. Hopefully I can do that by the end of the week.

    Love and hugs,

  6. you had me crying through this post....it's so true, I was dreading church and I have other children here with me. I cried reading you talk about the ways mothering our babies is different than the ones who stay on earth. It's so hard. Your husband sounds amazing and I'm thankful he was supportive. Thank you for being vulnerable here... it helps me to know I'm not alone. ♥

  7. Found you from Tesha's link-up.

    So much of this post resonates with me. I wrote a recent post on my blog called "motherhood and tears." The only thing of motherhood I know is mothering a grave. A legacy. The "parenting decisions" I make are things like "what sort of headstone should I pick out for my child?" Being a mother like that makes Mother's Day very difficult. I am thankful other mamas acknowledge me as a mother, even if others don't.

    I pray you had a peaceful Mother's Day, honoring and remembering the life of your sweet Hannah. My name is also Hannah! :) I'd love to have you follow along on my blog as well:



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