Sorry I didn't get on here on the 29th of January to say it, but Happy 5 month birthday to you precious girl! We love you so much.
I wonder what your face would look like now, if you were still here with us? I bet you would look a lot older than how we remember you, as a newborn. I'm sure you would be just as beautiful though :) Would your hair still be dark? Would your eyes still be blue? Would you still be just as loud when you were put to bed?! I can only imagine. God has given me a few dreams of you alive, and as an older baby. You looked gorgeous in those, and had the sweetest smile, giggle, and personality; and I treasure those pictures from the Lord. I wish they were real and we could watch you grow up. We miss you so much. But at the same time, what a blessing for your sake that you are with the Lord in heaven don't have to suffer the pain that is in this world.
On January 29th, for your 5 month birthday, your Daddy and I were away on holiday in Hanmer Springs. We enjoyed having a relaxing weekend away together, but thought of you constantly and wished you were there with us. As we put our bags in the hotel room, I imagined in my head where in the room I would have set up the portacot. As we ate dinner at the restaurant, I imagined us having the pram beside our table and rocking you to sleep. As we went for a walk through the forest, I imagined Jeremy carrying you in the front pack and you giggling as he entertained you. As we drove home, I imagined us having to stop along the way to feed you and change your nappy. I wish these things were real, and I didn't have to imagine. Instead, when I sat in the hotel room I cried. And when we sat a picnic table in the forest, I cried. Your Daddy hugged me and reminded me how much he loves you and misses you too. He is such an amazing husband and Dad! But at the same time, being out in God's beautiful creation reminded me of God's presence. His presence that is with me, no matter what storm I am facing, and what pain my heart feels. What an encouragement that is - to know that I don't have to walk this journey of grief alone. And looking around at the scenery in Hanmer made me wonder how incredibly beautiful heaven must be, where you are.
To celebrate you turning 5 months old, your Daddy and I wrote your name in berries in Hanmer forest.
I also found this beautiful purple flower that reminded me of the beauty of heaven. I made an 'H' for your name on the bridge (seeing as your Daddy loves bridges!)
I saw this verse from Psalm 62 shared a few days ago, and it spoke to my heart:
5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God[c];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
I am so thankful to the Lord that He is our refuge in times of need. No matter what is going on in our lives, we can trust Him. He wants us to pour out our hearts to Him. He loves us. And in Him, we have hope.
We love you and miss you, Hannah Grace xxx