Christmas Eve

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has donated a gift in memory of Hannah Grace this Christmas, or brought a Tear Fund Gift for Life or similar, or made a donation to an appropriate organisation. Or done something kind for someone as they thought of her. We really appreciate those of you who have told us what you did for Hannah too, or written a message to her – they are all going in her Christmas stocking for us to open tomorrow. THANK YOU!!

We spent this morning, Christmas Eve, at Hannah’s grave site. Wow, it feels so wrong to say that. Unfortunately her headstone still hasn’t been finished yet, but she has a lovely white cross in the meantime. We wanted to decorate her cross for Christmas – I’m sure she would appreciate that. We picked out the most colourful tinsel we could find (plus it had pink in it, so I just had to buy it!), and bought a decoration of a silver angel in a heart. It seemed appropriate. 

 

I couldn’t contain my tears at her grave today. Ok so that might be a bit of an understatement; I cried a lot. We should have a 4 month old baby with us this Christmas. We should be celebrating with her, buying her gifts, and dressing her up in a cute Christmas outfit. I just gave birth a few months ago – how can she no longer be here in my arms? How can we instead be visiting our daughter’s grave? How could this happen to us? I can hardly believe that I had a baby, then a week later had to watch her die. How am I meant to go on with life without my daughter, and with a broken heart? Life is so hard without Hannah being here. And Christmas time just reinforces that even more.

But as I think about the Christmas story, I remember that Mary also had to watch her oldest child die. She was privileged to be the Mother of Jesus Christ, but she only had Him here with her for a time, then she had to watch Him die a painful death on the cross. I understand her pain that much more now. Did Mary know when she gave birth to Him that this is what would happen? Did she have an element of sadness mixed in with her joy? Either way, she was entrusted with Jesus’ care for a time, then she had to release Him to do the Lord’s work. Then say goodbye and watch him suffer and die. Even having lost a baby, I still can’t imagine how painful that must have been for Mary.

God’s plan is so much bigger than we can ever understand or comprehend.  I don’t know why God allowed Hannah Grace to die. I will probably never know. But I will forever be thankful for the short time we did have with her. And because of Jesus, I have the assurance that I will see her again one day. He came as a baby at Christmas, and died on the cross for us at Easter; and because of this I can have forgiveness and a relationship with Him here on earth. One which will continue for eternity –  an eternity spent with Him (and Hannah!) in heaven once I die. 

Thank you God for the gift of your Son, and for the gift of our precious daughter Hannah Grace Frances.

Isaiah 9:6-7

For to us a child is born,
   to us a son is given,
   and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
⁷ Of the greatness of his government and peace
   there will be no end.
He will reign on David’s throne
   and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
   with justice and righteousness
   from that time on and forever.