So it’s now only just over a week until Christmas. We are having a busy week – in 5 days we have 5 Christmas parties, a birthday party, and a funeral. I feel like I have been on the go this whole week – and although I have been thinking about Hannah a lot, I haven’t had much time to process. I find it hard when it goes a few days and I don’t have time to focus my attention on my little girl.
We have finally put up our Christmas tree and decorated our house. We have been playing Christmas music, and eating Christmas food. But somehow I still cannot comprehend that Christmas is actually almost here. I think it’s because Christmas is not how it’s meant to be this year – we are meant to have our almost 4 month old baby with us. It is supposed to be a family time – but a huge part of our family is missing. We are meant to be focusing on Jesus birth, but every time I hear the Christmas story about ‘baby’ Jesus, my eyes fill with tears – because it’s another reminder of my baby. We are meant to be excited and celebrating – but how do I do that when my heart is broken into pieces and all I feel like doing is crying.
This afternoon I just sat beside our Christmas tree and cried. I cried for what has happened, in that we have been separated from Hannah Grace; and for what is happening as we have to live life without her. I miss her so much.. It hit me all over again that she won’t be here with us this Christmas. Instead of having her in our arms, we will visit her grave. This will be her first Christmas, but she will be spending it in heaven rather than here on earth with us. I’m sure she will be celebrating up there, but we are not so fortunate – we still live in this world of pain. I cried because every Christmas from now on, we will miss her.
It is really important to Jeremy and I that Hannah Grace is still a part of our Christmas this year. We want to include her in every way possible, because she is still part of our family! So we really appreciate some of the thoughtful gifts that friends have given us to remember Hannah by – thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has acknowledged her in our Christmas cards, and given us gifts for her and that include her.
Here are a few pictures of some of our special Christmas gifts and decorations:
Our Christmas stockings – one for each member of our family:
A beautiful butterfly, handmade by our friend Chloe especially for Hannah!
Thank you Sharon – this gift is a sweet reminder that Hannah is with the angels and the Lord. Sharon also made us little key rings with photos of Hannah in them.
A beautiful Christmas decoration from a lady who sadly passed away herself this week.
3 angels in memory of 3 babies who have gone to heaven in the past 4 months. Hannah Grace, Sebastian, and Grace.
The decoration at the top of our Christmas tree:
These decorations and gifts mean a lot to us this year, as we try to celebrate Christmas without Hannah in our arms. Or at least get through Christmas, anyway. Actually to be totally honest I am praying that the Lord would carry me through, as I know I can’t cope on my own! Please be patient with us as we deal with all the emotions that come with Christmas this year. We are so thankful for God’s gift of Jesus Christ, and are trying to focus our minds on this true meaning of Christmas; but it’s harder to do this year. But without His son, Jesus, we wouldn’t be able to have our sins forgiven and be reconciled into relationship with God. And without this, I don’t know how I could cope with anything. It is only God, my relationship with Him, and the hope that He gives me, which has given me the strength to go on this year.
Please, if you are writing to us this Christmas, please please include Hannah Grace. She is still part of our family, even though she is celebrating Christmas in heaven. This Christmas, I miss her more than ever. This isn’t how things are meant to be. Our family no longer just consists of Jeremy and I. So we love it when our daughter is acknowledged.
Watch this space for some ideas of how you can encourage us and help to continue Hannah's legacy this Christmas...